Every now and then, I attend large group meetings for work, which remind me that I work in Dilbert-land. If that comic strip hits home for you, you know what I mean. If not, here's a taste of a meeting in Dilbert-land. Here, you'll hear from the Big Cheese and the Thought Bubble inside my head.
I wanted to touch base with all of you to review our goals and make sure you're in the loop on the company's pulse.
Wow, pretty good turnout here.
As you can see, our strategic synergies with key customers are really coming to the forefront. We're providing the content and tools they and their constituents need to make this work.
Interesting use of that word. Hey, there's Anne over there. She had a second child recently. I wonder how she's doing with two. Boy, her hair looks nice. Nice highlighting job.
We're using our robust synergies to leverage core competencies
... maybe I'll get my hair highlighted again next time I go in. The grays are really showing now.
in such a way that we can provide strategic solutions for customers who are ramping up their projects,
Nice haircut on Bob. I wonder who cuts his hair? Hmm. No hair on Big Cheese; I wonder if he's completely bald or if he shaves what little he has. He looks good with no hair. I wonder how my husband would look if he shaved what he has.
and we believe this is a win-win for everyone.
I remember a hairdresser trying to talk him into that once.
We continue to grow the business, using our bandwidth to the fullest,
OK, I've got to duck out and get to my next meeting. I should have sat on an end. Damn. I hate having to climb over people, so conspicuously.
outsourcing where appropriate.
Any questions?
Actual audience member: "Will there be any changes to our vacation policy?"
Ah, that I don't miss. Funny how your mind wanders, though.
Posted by: Jody Halsted | Wednesday, April 27, 2005 at 10:57 AM
Reminds me of how I use to do origami in meetings. Amazing how mind numbing meetings can be.
Posted by: vw bug | Wednesday, April 27, 2005 at 01:37 PM
Oh, how I DON'T miss meetings like that . . .but I must miss them a little because I'm laughing out loud hysterically.
Now, Marie, don't kill me, but . . .TAG. You are it. Head over to my blog to see what in the world I'm talking about.
xo
Anita
Posted by: Anita | Wednesday, April 27, 2005 at 05:52 PM
heh. Oh man. This is me, too. Although more often than not I'm thinking something more along the lines of "If this meeting doesn't wrap up soon I'm going to go mad." Then I start imagining the look on everyone's face as I start flipping out. :)
Posted by: elle | Thursday, April 28, 2005 at 06:05 AM
Jody,
I find that my attention span with a PowerPoint slideshow is about 15-20 minutes. After that (in this case, for the next 45 minutes) my mind goes elsewhere, regardless of how many times I try to reel it in! And I don't think this is ADD...
VWBug,
Origami is a great idea. They'd make great door prizes for those who make it through the meeting!
Anita,
Next time your boys are driving you nuts, think of this! It's all relative, dudette. Thanks for tagging me... I'll get to that thingy today... ;-)
Elle,
Sounds cathartic, really. I bet they'd be envious to see you flip out... thinking, "man, I so want to do that!"
Posted by: Marie | Thursday, April 28, 2005 at 08:16 AM
Oh. My.
I'd be thinking about highlights, too. And my grocery list. And anything else to take my mind off that presentation!
Posted by: Bluegrass Mama | Thursday, April 28, 2005 at 10:03 AM
You have to love a two hour meeting conducted by a person who is only able to speak by linking together strings trite corporate speak clichés.
I work in a cube farm and you might be able to relate to this posing of mine.
http://dandna.blogspot.com/2005/01/this-must-be-what-space-travel-feels.html
I followed VW to your blog.
Posted by: DEPjrTX | Thursday, April 28, 2005 at 01:31 PM
It's most empowering to receive your communication, re:my shaved skull. As you can probably leverage from the proactive way I ennunciate to my diverse constituents, I've also had the inside of my skull shaved!
Happy Honahrhamakwanzmass,
Mr. B. Cheese
Posted by: Big Cheese | Thursday, April 28, 2005 at 01:43 PM
Too funny. Was that person speaking English??
Posted by: elle | Thursday, April 28, 2005 at 09:35 PM
Mr. Cheese! So nice of you to stop by. That's too bad about the inside of your skull... sounds like you'll make a nice Halloween decoration!
Elle, Makes you wonder, huh? All the buzzwords are just ridiculous. I like straight talk myself!
Posted by: Marie | Thursday, April 28, 2005 at 10:12 PM